2. Recurring patterns 

The past has a tendency to become known through repetition. We repeat our parents’ history by identifying with them, copying their patterns of behavior (including the way they treated us); and thereby, providing testimony to their way of being. We also repeat our own history as we spiral through familiar places and people. Freud spoke of repetition compulsion, a universal tendency to gravitate toward the familiar (from Latin familia) and repeat the past in attempts to master it, to write a new ending. Part of therapy is converting some of these automatic patterns into something that can be thought about and spoken about so that we do not have to repeat them. 

 

3.  Emotions 

Despite common cultural prescriptions to avoid or dismiss emotions, the biological fact is that we do not have a choice not to feel them. These are intelligent biological forces that inform us of our needs and wishes, motivate us to act, and connect us to other people. Blocking emotions from our awareness brings about a host of consequences detrimental to our mental and physical health, e.g. anxiety, depression, headaches, insomnia, and more. Conversely, when we allow ourselves to fully feel our emotions, to experience them viscerally, we tap into a wellspring of energy, vitality, and authenticity inside us. 

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4.  Attempts to avoid emotions (i.e., defenses) 

While biologically useful, emotions can also be painful and overwhelming. To avoid the emotional pain, we employ a range of defenses: humor, numbness, denial, suppression, somatization, addictions, minimizing, rationalizing, overeating, spacing out, etc. We may also be afraid of emotions because of the past conditioning in our family where we might have learned that certain emotions are not acceptable. To be sure, it is important to have some defenses to modulate our feelings. However, when defenses become the standard response to our feelings, we are deprived of the benefits that come from feeling emotions, e.g., a more authentic experience of ourselves and a deeper connection to others. 

 

5.  Relationships 

Relationships are of utmost importance for the development of the human mind. According to the developmental research, the interpersonal context leads to the creation of an individual. For example, attachment theory empirically demonstrates how the mind of an infant emerges in the context of a primary caregiver. It also shows how the childhood relational environment gives rise to internal working models or relational schemas (i.e., the way we think about ourselves and interact with others) that persist across the lifespan. Thus, it is crucial to reflect on our relational dynamics, their origin in the past and manifestation in the present.